Truth Interpreted

Mariah sings it best

2006-04-07T23:11:00.000+08:00

"Shake It Off"

[Chorus]

I gotta shake it off

Cause the loving ain't the same

And you keep on playing games

Like you know I'm here to stay

I gotta shake it off

Just like the Calgon commercial life

I really gotta get up outta here

And go somewhereI gotta shake it off

Gotta make that move

Find somebody who

Appreciates all the love I give

Boy I gotta shake it off

Gotta do what's best for me

Baby and that means I gotta

Shake it off

By the time you get this message

It's gonna be too late

So don't bother paging me

'Cause I'll be on my way

See, I grabbed all my diamonds and clothes

Just ask your momma she knows

You're gonna miss me baby

Hate to say I told you so

Well at first I didn't know

But now it's clear to me

You would cheat with all your freaks

And lie compulsively

So I packed up my Louis Vuitton

Jumped in your ride and took off

You'll never ever find a girl

Who loves you more than me

[Chorus]

I gotta shake it off

Cause the loving ain't the same

And you keep on playing games

Like you know I'm here to stay

I gotta shake it off

Just like the Calgon commercial life

I really gotta get up outta here

And go somewhereI gotta shake it off

Gotta make that move

Find somebody who

Appreciates all the love I give

Boy I gotta shake it off

Gotta do what's best for me

Baby and that means I gotta

Shake it off

[Bridge]

I gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake it off...

I found out about a gang

Of your dirty little deeds

With this one and that oneB

y the pool, on the beach, in the streets

Heard y'all was

Hold up my phone's breakin' up

I'ma hang up and call the machine right back

I gotta get this off of my mind

You wasn't worth my time

So I'm leaving you behind

Cause I need a real love in my life

Save this recording because

I'm never coming back home

Baby I'm gone

Don't cha know

[Chorus]

I gotta shake it off

Cause the loving ain't the same

And you keep on playing games

Like you know I'm here to stay

I gotta shake it off

Just like the Calgon commercial life

I really gotta get up outta here

And go somewhere

I gotta shake it off

Gotta make that move

Find somebody who

Appreciated all the love I give

Boy I gotta shake it off

Gotta do what's best for me

Baby and that means I gotta

Shake it off

This week has been hell for me. It started out so bad but I've finally realized that I'm better off now than I was before, and that I just gotta shake it all off--the negativity and all the feelings that have been weighing me down. In the end I've come to a point where I can look back on this week and just laugh.

I'm happy, and I have no regrets.

Still

2006-03-18T02:29:00.000+08:00

Just came from Seniors' Night at the Prince of Jaipur at the Fort. Had a good time, didn't drink, danced a little, laughed a lot. Tired as hell and lacking sleep, but at work now and will be for the next nine hours. Looking forward to checking out Tiendesita's later. Feeling bittersweet and melancholy, reminiscing the past four years at Assumption. A slight pang because won't be graduating. A little envious of those who will march on Sunday, but happy for them all the same. Glad to have met the Keppers, and sad because won't be seeing them much from now on. In a quiet mood and content to just sit and think random thoughts.

Overall satisfaction-with-life rating: 7.76

Window delight

2006-03-10T19:48:00.000+08:00

When you stand by the window in one of the rooms on the 28th floor of the building where I work, you can see right into the condo units of the building right next door. And every morning, around 7 to 9, my sex-crazed co-workers all gather around the window to watch this infamous couple get it on. This morning, I had the privilege of witnessing this much-anticipated event.

My shift was over, so they all made me the lookout. "Tell us when they wake up, ok?" they instructed me. So I took a seat by the window and watched for any signs of movement. After about an hour, the guy rolled over onto his side and started texting. "This is it, guys!" I announced. Half of the room got up from their desks and crowded over to the window (I guess for the other half, the novelty had already worn out).

There was much pushing and shoving as everyone tried to get a better look. "What's he doing?" someone asked.

"It looks like he's making a call."

"To whom?"

"Maybe to his boss."

"Maybe to his wife."

"Why doesn't he just fuck her already?!"

And then, quite suddenly, the star of the show tossed his cellphone aside and swiftly climbed atop his leading lady, who up until that moment was still seemingly asleep. In one expert movement, he had her panties off, in another, his colorful boxers, and before I knew it, they were humping.

The crowd cheered. Some of the guys literally had their faces pressed up against the glass, and the girls weren't standing too far behind. Then, I couldn't help it. I had to ask--"How can they just get it on like that? There wasn't even any foreplay, she must still be so dry!"

All eyes turned to me. "What?" I asked innocently. "It's true!"

We all went back to watching the show. Then again, I couldn't help myself--"So they're just gonna do it missionary all the way? Tsk tsk. They oughta experiment more."

About a dozen pairs of eyes on me again. Exasperated, my friend exclaimed, "Would you just enjoy the show?!"

I bit my tongue. And kept silent. For about three minutes. Then, ""Aw, would you look at that? She's doing it all wrong! That's not how you give a good blowjob. Look, he keeps adjusting himself, that means they're in the wrong position. And now she's on top, but it looks like he's not getting the right leverage."

The crowd collectively groaned, and, rolling their eyes and shaking their heads, went back to their seats, not in the mood to watch the couple finish anymore. My friend glared at me. "Next time, you're not allowed to watch," he said.

I couldn't help it. I just know what makes a show good.

Job hunt

2006-03-09T18:40:00.000+08:00

Lately all my friends have been preoccupied with getting jobs, what with graduation looming. I'm not graduating, and I already have a job, but it's hard not to get caught up in the craze. The things is, I sort of envy them because they all have the luxury of working because they want to, and choosing a job that they'll really enjoy. Me, I'm stuck with a stable, high-paying job that I'm not at all passionate about because I'm my family's breadwinner and I need the steady income.

I'd really love to be able to do something media-related, like voice-acting, or editing videos, or even working as a PA in a production house. Jobs like those actually pay quite a lot, but the thing is, on a per-project basis, and usually not on time. Then there's the matter of talent. I'm not sure how much I actually have. My friends are going to read this and go, "What?!" but really, I don't know. I mean, I'm not as good at video editing or photography as Henri. And apparently, my voice isn't as bankable as Shelly's because I have a "second voice"?! The one thing I was sure I could count on coming in handy, and now I'm not so confident about it anymore. Hay.

I thought about it all the way to work earlier. My current account is about to close, so come April, I'll have to apply at a different one. I'm thinking about applying for just a part-time position, and then looking for a media-related job to do on the side. That is, if I can find the courage to. Well. We'll just have to wait and see.

What Kind of Kisser are You?

2006-03-02T19:39:00.000+08:00

You're an Expert KisserYou're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantityYou've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks offAnd you're adaptable, giving each partner what they craveWhen it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofkisserareyouquiz/">What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Nyahaha I don't know what is up with me and all these kissing quizzes but it's always nice to discover something you're good at! Ahaha

Kissing Purity Test (hmmm...)

2006-03-02T19:15:00.000+08:00

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell...
But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

Okay, I don't wanna brag, but I'd have to say I agree with this one ;p

Happy Birthday, Michelle!

2006-03-01T20:06:00.000+08:00

It's my best friend's birthday today!

I remember years ago when my first boyfriend broke up with me on this EXACT SAME day, and I called Shelly up to greet her a, "H-h-happy b-b-birthday...*sob*" And she was all, "What's wrong???" And ended up having to comfort me hehehe

Ah, how far we've come since then. She's seen me through two more breakups, countless other crushes, "Ben" and "Ruth", the angst-ridden period they refer to as "puberty"...and she's been there through the good times, too. Hours of meaningful conversations, even more hours of meaningLESS conversations, reminiscing the good ol' Gandhi days, wondering about the future, laughing really, REALLY hard at the silliest things. I didn't always know it, but she's been my dearest and truest friend for the past twelve years.

And now she's 21 (read: L-E-G-A-L) and to quote Elbert, a moving-on-up-so-fast-we-can't-afford-her-rates-anymore multimedia renaissance girl. I am SO proud of her, she just has no idea. But then again, I always knew she'd get further in life than anyone else I know, what with her brains and her talent and most of all her good looks :o)

And so, as my birthday present to her on this momentous occasion (because I know how much she appreciates a sincere and heartfelt compliment and really because I'm broke and can't afford to buy her a fabulous gift at the moment hehehe ;p) I write her this post, a tribute to the wonder that IS Joanne Michelle Soneja hehehe :o)

Happy

2006-02-26T20:27:00.000+08:00

I just want to say that I am happier than I've been in a really, really long time :o)

Why are all the songs I write about love???

2006-01-26T06:13:00.000+08:00

Lyrics to song I'm currently working on:

Just in passing
Why'd you have to leave this way
Why'd you take a part of me
I'm always with you now

Left unanswered
Did you have to be so kind
Did you have to touch me so
And in so doing change my life

Now I sit and think of you

I was hoping
Always hoping
You'd find your own way back
Ever waiting
Never fading
But you're never coming home to me

Again

Dammit, dammit, dammit. Just when I thought I'd moved on to writing about more substantial subjects like teen angst and what in the world to wear today???

Another deep one

2006-01-26T05:33:00.000+08:00

I've just been offered a team leader position by my trainer!!! Obviously, getting the job isn't a sure thing, 'cause I'll still have to be interviewed and besides, I'm up against a bunch of senior agents, but still, just being told that he's recommending me makes me feel good.

And to think that a couple of days ago I was feeling low because I'd just gotten one of the most annoying dressing downs of my entire life.

Lately I've been feeling like all anybody ever tells me is what a disappointment I am, how I'm not meeting their expectations, how I'm letting everyone down. So to get this kind positive reinforcement is a really big deal for me.

It's weird, but I remember being younger and feeling like I was on top of the world. Everything I did I was best at. I was always winning these awards and competitions, and people were always telling me how proud of me they were. Is it possible that I started life at the top and then everything just went downhill from there? I know--what a depressing thought, right?

And that's another thing about me that's changed. I remember being so positive, such an optimistic person. Now it seems like the older I get the more negative I become. I still insist that I'm not a negative person, that I'm just being realistic, but I don't know...I'm definitely not as upbeat as I used to be.

It's funny how people grow up and change. My best friend and I are always talking about how no one ever says the same. I guess that's why lately I find personality tests and the Describe Yourself box in my Friendster profile so confining. Some people start out so insecure, so unsure of themselves, tentatively tiptoeing through life one small step at a time. Then suddenly something happens and they gain so much confidence, so much that ten years later they're living the life--a family, a house, a white picket fence, the works. And these are the same people nobody remembers ever being in the same classes with; who sat way in the back of the room, in the corner; who were just random pictures in the yearbook. On the other hand, there are those people who start out in life and they've got it made--most popular, most talented, most beautiful. Fast forward a decade later and these same people are unemployed, divorced, and unable to look anyone straight in the eye for shame and confusion.

So what defines us exactly? What determines how well we'll do later in life? Is it circumstance? Random events, situations? Or the choices we make? Do we somehow actually have control over how well or how badly our lives turn out by making choices, decisions? If so, then why do so many of us choose to live lives less than beautiful???

Now I'm thinking that I'm thinking too much again...and I have yet to write light post in here.

Forgetting

2006-01-13T02:00:00.000+08:00

"Love is short, forgetting is so long"
--Pablo Neruda, Tonight I Can Write the Saddest Lines

Everyone's saying that these days. It's true, I know, but dammit, I wish it wasn't. And constantly being reminded that it is isn't helping.

The day before school started again a couple of my friends and I had tea with one of our profs. That's right, tea. I know, how quaint. Anyway, we all ended up having this great conversation (really one of the best I've had in like, so long) and one of the things we talked about was how to move on after a breakup. People have so much to say, so much advice to give, but all of it is much easier said than done.

How do you forget? Keep yourself busy, they say. Get a job, find a new hobby, finally do that thing that you've always wanted to but never got around to doing. But then that only keeps you preoccupied for so long. What happens when the novelty of having a new interest in life wears off, as it always inevitably does? Where do you go next?

Go out and party! my crazy friend Cheska would say. Drink it out of your system! Dance 'til you drop! Lose yourself and you'll be over him in no time, if you party hard enough. But then that's so shallow. And more often than not you'll end up doing things you regret, and then it's too late to go back and undo them. Then where does that leave you?

Ok, then go hook up with the next hottie who hits on you! That'll make you forget for sure! But to start a whole new relationship just so you can get over the last one? Doesn't make sense to me. Plus, how unfair would that be to the new guy? And we all know you'd only be in it for all the wrong reasons.

So now what to do? Why isn't there just one sure and fast solution to heartache? Why do we always have to leave it up to time to heal our wounds? Why are the old cliches always so fucking right?

Meanwhile you lie in bed at 2:30 in the morning, tossing and turning, or sometimes unable to move at all for the dull heaviness in your chest, counting down the minutes until you finally fall asleep, blissfully, mercifully numb. But time goes by so s...l...o...w...l...y......

Worn out

2006-01-10T05:15:00.000+08:00

Ok I'm starting to get tired of my job, and to think that I'm still only in training. Our trainer's always out sick, and even if he's around, we still don't do anything substantial. He's always sending us on breaks or just letting us do whatever we want to. Now I don't mean to sound like an overeager goody-two-shoes or anything, but it would be nice to actually learn something once in a while. Even the novelty of him sounding like Keanu Reeves has worn out, and fails to excite me anymore.

Sigh. Another eight hours out of my life spent doing nothing. I know--I'm an ingrate. It's just that if this is how it's always gonna be, I might as well be spending this time at home sleeping, right?

Ah, sleep. How I miss you, and regret taking you for granted all those days I was still working at the Bean. We really never do know what we've got 'til it's gone, do we?

Pay day

2006-01-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

Nyahaha I got paid today. Three freakin' thousand pesos to sit and surf the net for 8 hours a day. I love my job. Why I waited so long to quit The Coffee Bean, I can't for the life of me figure out. Just think--all that time I wasted serving coffee to rude and self-important people when I could've been making THRICE what I got paid there just sitting around and doing basically nothing. It can get a LITTLE boring, especially when you run out of things to do to amuse yourself, but again, I must say, I LOVE MY JOB.

The issue involving this year's winner for Best Dramatic Family (nyaha Shell ;p) seems to have been resolved. Which is good, of course. I'm glad everyone's finally calming down. When I think about, it really beats me how all this got to be such a big deal. It's kinda funny actually, how such a huge mountain was made out of such a tiny, insignificant molehill. But whatever, I'm ready to forgive and forget. After a stimulating and physically exhausting communal rant with my friends at Mcdo, I can say I'm over it, and everything that was said/done is considered forgotten in my book. 'Twould be nice if I could get an apology, but it's by no means a requirement.

So there. All's well that ends well. I can now proceed to spend the next 8 hours either playing Bejeweled online, trying to finish Pride and Prejudice, or virtually de-virginizing poor, innocent boys in chat rooms with a clear and happy conscience. Ah, the life...

Let's see how long this lasts

2006-01-05T23:47:00.000+08:00

Okay so here I go again, attempting to blog. As if I'm going to be able to keep this up. But I figure, hey, why not give it a shot, lately I've had a lot to say, might as well get it over with and just say it already.

I may have my own ideas about life; my own beliefs, my own thoughts. And they may not be conventional or even considered "acceptable" according to society's norms. Some might even be downright offensive to some people. But no matter what I believe, I've never EVER tried to FORCE my ideas on other people, ESPECIALLY not my FRIENDS. So it really hurts me when certain people--people I thought were ok with me--say things to imply that they think I'm a bad influence or whatever. It's just so unfair, because I've never set out to tell people how to live their lives or what decisions to make. Yeah, I give them my OPINIONS, but only when asked. I live my life and I do things some people might not approve of. But I've never tried to force my kind of lifestyle on anyone.

And ok, so I make mistakes. But hey, I'm not perfect. I'll be the first to admit that. But though I wouldn't wish the mistakes I've made on anyone else, I really believe that making mistakes is essential to character-building and that people should be allowed to make mistakes and learn lessons for themselves. And honestly, I think people who are so afraid to make mistakes--so afraid that they refuse to take risks--are living less of a life than people who aren't. I figure that if you're mature enough to realize that everything you do has a consequence, but you're brave enough to take responsibility for those consequences, then you've earned the right to make decisions for yourself.

I end this, my two cents' worth, with an excerpt from Anne's House of Dreams by L.M. Montgomery:

Gilbert laughed and clasped tighter the girlish hand that wore his ring. Anne's engagement ring was a circlet of pearls. She had refused to wear a diamond.

"I've never really liked diamonds since I found out they weren't the lovely purple I had dreamed. They will always suggest my old disappointment ."

"But pearls are for tears, the old legend says," Gilbert had objected.

"I'm not afraid of that. And tears can be happy as well as sad. My very happiest moments have been when I had tears in my eyes-- when Marilla told me I might stay at Green Gables--when Matthew gave me the first pretty dress I ever had--when I heard that you were going to recover from the fever. So give me pearls for our troth ring, Gilbert, and I'll willingly accept the sorrow of life with its joy."